Proper 18C – George Yandell
I have preached from this Luke passage more than 20 times. Each time I wonder: “Did Jesus really mean his disciples must hate family and life itself or they cannot be his disciples? Did he really mean each disciple must carry her own cross, preparing to die a tortured death, to be obedient?” And in each sermon I’ve tried to offer folks some hope- lessening the severity of what Jesus said, showing other ways to understand what Jesus says. I was wrong to do so.
What Jesus offers the large crowd is not just hatred of fathers and mothers, but an example of what it means to follow God’s ways at a certain time of history. Simply put, if you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it goodbye, you can’t be a Jesus disciple. Hatred here is meant not in a psychological sense. It means disowning, renouncing, rejecting- those who become disciples of Jesus must commit exclusively to entering God’s kingdom with Jesus. (Interesting note- Greek for “large crowd” = ‘’x’oi polloi’- sound familiar? It meant large crowd of common people, not as we hear it today- the hoy polloi, the upper-crust glommed up together.)
Jesus was, I believe, leading the way through horrible times, opening the kingdom then and there to all. Most of those around him were clinging to the patriarchal system when Rome was exploiting the way the Jews had operated for centuries- the son married and took his bride into his father’s household, then the oldest son inherited the household from his father. Jesus spoke against trying to make the old ways work when fathers and mothers were losing their land, their way of living, yet not adapting. Households were being driven into servitude. Jesus was trying to help his disciples change, yet prepare to pay the horrible price he foresaw they would have to pay. He meant to give them a way through to depending on God alone. I believe His words were compassionate, loving warnings to his closest friends. This is the Way to live through these times of oppression: come together in a table fellowship where family has changed- where each shares with others of their meager belongings. Sharing in love and asking God to bless it.
So: Hating parents is not a general instruction to all ages of believers. Some few today have been called to such rejection of family and life; but rarely do the followers of Jesus now help their fellows, or themselves, by hating family. When the Church decides it is good to hate (whether family, non-believers, folks different from us, people who might endanger our sanctity), the Church is always wrong. The church then hears the words of Jesus incorrectly, and they fall away from the love Jesus intends now and in every age of the church. I want to tell you a story about hate and its cost.
Once there was a man named John. John’s mother died when he was a sophomore in high school. After his mother’s death, John and his father argued about everything. They fought until each was red in the face, calling names, then stomped away from each other, saying they hated each other. They did this until John was 32 and his father developed cancer. Son John became overwhelmed with guilt at how he had hated his father. He went and talked to his priest, to ask forgiveness for his hatred. The priest said these words: “Jesus intends for us to live in God’s kingdom now. It’s very hard to do. We have to die to anything that holds us back. You need to die to your anger with your father.//” At the priest’s instruction, John went to his father’s bedside, and said he wanted to talk. The father started in on him, just as always. “What the hell do you want now, money? For me to change my will? I’m dying here- leave me alone!”
John gathered his courage, took his father’s hand in his own, and said, “Dad, we’ve fought as long as I can remember. Other people, family, friends, tell me how much they love you and are so sad to hear of your illness. I’ve never known the man they speak of. Can we let our anger die, and be new father and son to each other in the time we have left together? I want to know you before I no longer have the chance.” And John kissed his father’s hand, his eyes streaming tears. His father was startled into silence.
Then the father said, “Son, I’ve envied you for so long, then gotten angry with you, it’s like you’re already dead to me. After you were born, the time I loved to spend with your mother was taken away from me. She held you, played with you, was so happy, and I was bumped out of the way. I started working more, spent more time playing golf. Then your mother died. I’ve envied your success, and I’ve yelled at you as a failure, but you’re not. I’ve drawn away from your children, and blamed you for their lack of contact with me. When your mother died, I wanted to die with her. I think I’ve blamed you for everything that has ever gone wrong with my life. I think these last few years anger with you was all I had to keep me going. I don’t know how to change.”
John said, “Dad, when I realize how much of my life’s energy has gone into hating you, I just want to die. I’m sure I’m not as good a father as my kids need. But one thing I know, when you die, if I haven’t come to know the real you, I’ll carry the hate inside, and it’ll turn on me. I’ll have you inside me hating me. And I can’t stand for that to happen.” John shook his head, and said, “Dad, we’re really screwed up. I want to take you out tomorrow to a special place. Will you come with me? It won’t take long.”
The next day, the attendant helped John get his father in the car. They drove through town to the outskirts, and kept on until they got way out in the country. The father dozed in the seat, his head lolling. Then John stopped and helped his father out. He gasped to see they were standing on the lip of an immense old rock quarry, crystal clear water shimmering way below them. John said, “Dad, I’ve brought you a chair. I want you to sit here while I climb up to the top ledge up there.” His father said, “This is the old quarry I told you never to come to! It was too dangerous. What are we doing here now?” The son said, “I need you to witness something. I’m going to jump off that high rock like I did in high school. Every time I did it, and slammed into the water the 65 feet below here, I forgot all the pain at losing mom. I felt pure freedom, knowing I was doing something you’d forbidden me to do, something you couldn’t control. It was my secret. I want to jump now for you, with you. I hope we can let our anger die in the fall. Just wait here and watch.”
The father sat there, stunned. John stripped down to his swimming trunks in the cool fall day. With bare feet he started climbing the dirt trail to the highest rock on the sheer wall. As his father watched, John waved at him, then leapt out to clear the rock ledges below, and soared way down into the clear water. A geyser of water erupted above him as his feet slapped the water. The seconds dragged by, the father more and more anxious as his son didn’t appear at the surface. All of a sudden John lunged up, gasping a breath, then yelled, “We did it!” As John swam toward the gravel ramp and stepped out of the water, the father shook with relief, and something else. He literally couldn’t believe what he had witnessed.
From that day on, John’s visits with his father changed. The priest sometimes brought communion to John’s family at his father’s bedside. They prayed together. The week his father died, John heard him say with labored breath, “Yeah, I get it. We leapt together. Thank God. John, I love you.”
I am convinced that Joan Chittister is right in her book The Story of Ruth. Chittister wrote, “There is no one through whom God does not work.” To be disciple of Jesus today means to take the leap, let God work through us. Ask and answer questions about human relationships in such a way that we honor God. “To whom am I to be neighborly?” is a good question for us to ask. It honors God. “How am I to live today so that those I touch sense God’s love through me?” is another good question to ask. “What can we work on here in Jasper with others, so that we embrace God’s ways together?” If we ask these questions, then we are on the road to being disciples of Jesus. If we answer questions like these every day of our lives, then we truly are entering God’s domain with Jesus.